Rachel Gilson wrote this little book for parents because she herself needed and need it. If you haven’t heard of Rachel Gilson before, she grew up atheist and a lesbian. As an atheist, she “thought that all objections to gay relationships came from bigotry, stupidity, or both“ (11).
After being confronted with the gospel in C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity, Gilson’s spiritual life turned completely around, even if who she was attracted to did not. That was a spiritual work in progress for her to learn to say “No” to what was wrong and “Yes” to the Holy Spirit. You can read about this in her book Born Again This Way.
But even with all of that Gilson still had a problem. Her daughter was about to enter kindergarten when Gilson discovered that one of the teachers was a lesbian. As a Christian, all the typical questions began filling her head. How do I talk about this with my daughter? What if she, upon returning to school, repeats what I say without nuance? If Gilson, a former lesbian-now-turned-Christian who has written a book, articles, and given talks on the subject, could feel this fear, how might other parents feel, and how could she help them?
Gilson understands that our fears aren’t baseless. They exist because of our beliefs and the facts around us. We can’t simply stuff them in a drawer, but neither should we be ruled by them. She writes, “The problem with fear is that it makes us act less like Jesus, not more. Fear tends to make us isolate ourselves instead of connecting with others and loving them. Fear tends to make us go on the attack instead of dying to ourselves” (13).
In chapter one—Gilson explores God’s positive vision for our bodies, relationships, and sex. We want to show our children what God is for, that he made sex. Both Christian singles and married couples are signposts to God. They are both included in God’s eternal family. Male and female marriages are “employed in the Bible as a picture of God’s relationship with his people” (25).
In chapter two, Gilson discusses how to talk about sex to our kids in age-appropriate ways. She wants “to help build your confidence that you both can and should talk about sex with your children earlier than you may have thought” (29). And I agree with this. With help from Birds & Bees and others, Mari and I sprinkle very basic sex talk in some conversations with our boys. When it’s kept as a natural topic, it usually isn’t made a big deal of. As Gilson notes, we want to protect our children from sexual abuse, we want them to see us as “the experts” on sex so that they naturally come to us with their questions, and we want them to run towards God’s—not the world’s—positive vision for sexuality.
Chapter three covers the sin and brokenness that comes from the Fall in Genesis 3. One example is transgenderism. Gilson points out that a person might choose to be transgender because of gender dysphoria or even as a response to sexism. (Gilson also covers same-sex attraction in this chapter.)
Gilson writes, “We observe, then, that many people adopt transgender identities in response to real problems: problems with how they feel about their bodies and problems with how people relate to one another. As Christians, we can agree that these are problems! We can understand why people made in God’s image would seek solutions to problems” (48).
However, “[t]rying to live in opposition to how God made our bodies cannot bring lasting peace” (48). Rather than judging, we can have compassion because we understand the problems while pointing to and insisting that the gospel is the solution.
In chapter four, Gilson gives us parents useful tools for talking to our kids about LGBT+ questions. One simple but important tool has to do with Jesus’ kingship. Gilson offers some helpful nuance that young minds can grasp. She looks at how authenticity and justice stem from God, not secularism.
Gilson then offers a Yes-No-Yes framework that I’m going to start teaching to my oldest boy. Basically, when you hear an idea or an argument, what in it can be affirmed (the Yes)? What needs to be corrected and realigned with God’s word (the No)? The only answer to our troubles is Jesus Christ (the Yes). This is a simple framework, but it helps our kids find both what is good in an idea and what needs to be brought into alignment with God’s word.
This flows into chapter five and what we can do to equip our kids to think about being Christians in a world that is rapidly changing. Here we point our kids to the words of the New Testament where persecution will come simply for following Jesus. We can also offer them OT stories of those (like Daniel) who faithfully followed God in exile.
Finally, chapter six considers how to respond when LGBT+ questions become personal for our children and when we see other Christians celebrating full LGBT+ affirmation. She writes,
“If you have spent their childhood speaking calmly and confidently about the bodies God gave us and how reproduction works, your children will be better able to trust that you know what you’re talking about when it comes to sexuality. If you spend their childhood speaking of people who identify as LGBT+ in tones of respect… your children will feel safer coming to you with their own feelings that may be big and scary.” (98)
There is more to this chapter than this, but how we talk about those with whom we disagree speaks volumes to our kids. If they one day decide for a time to be within the LGBT+ group, or even if they take the opposite stance on a completely unrelated yet still important issue, it is important for them to know that you’re safe to talk to and willing to listen and love a person, especially your own children, no matter their stance.
Recommended?
This is a practical, quick read for parents who need a way to get a handle on the transgender situation. Gilson walks the fine line between loving the LGBTQ+ community while remaining steady on what the Bible says about God’s positive view of sexuality and his commands for us to follow that view.
Pair this with The Body God Gives and Affirming God’s Image (review).
Lagniappe
- Author: Rachel Gilson
- Paperback: 113 pages
- Publisher: The Good Book Company (September 2024)
Find it on Amazon and the Good Book Company!
Review Disclosure: I received this book free from The Good Book Company. The opinions I have expressed are my own, and I was not required to write a positive review. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html.
Amazon Affiliate Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
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